Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
