this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
