When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
