So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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