my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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