The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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