the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
