Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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