I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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