Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
