You really coming over, don't trick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
wow bdsm is so cute
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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