I need help removing her.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
