I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My life is pants optional.
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