I just pynch a tree in the face
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
