So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize