I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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