I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
