her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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