you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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