I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i think i just lost a toe
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
