if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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