so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
