I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
