chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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