I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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