I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
