matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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