i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
