I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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