I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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