went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
