Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
