I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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