fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
