you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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