she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
