if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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