i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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