now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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