I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
