My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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