The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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