I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
