Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
