she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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