I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
