Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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