You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
