I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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