Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
