I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
