I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
