So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
