We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
