I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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