dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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