so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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