i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
