that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
