sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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