love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
