my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
im on a boat
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