I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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