her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
