i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize