Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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