I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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