Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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