what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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