My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
