Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
