Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
