i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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