I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
