The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
