I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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